I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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