Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
