he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I feel great
I just peed on a car
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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