my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
