Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
