you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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