god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
