Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
