i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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