we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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