you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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