if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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