Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I got inside last night via doggy door
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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