just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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