smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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