Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
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Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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