And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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