In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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