I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize