i already hear my dad disowning me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
