yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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