Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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