I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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