when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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