worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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