i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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