I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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