I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
