end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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