How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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