My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
