oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
