woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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