How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
