He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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