I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
