I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
