that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
