Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
