Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
