is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
