I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
