Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
