alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
