also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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