help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
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