I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
