I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
