I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
