Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
