drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
