She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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