screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
