i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
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So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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