my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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