I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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