We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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