Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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