Can Purell be used as lube?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
