Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
