is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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