two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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