my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
