There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
