I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
