Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
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I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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