yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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