You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
