first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
