Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
