I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Farmville is her only friend.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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