After last night, I could never be a politician.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
