Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Also, beer. Big fan.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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