Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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