Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
