i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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