no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
