you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have feelings that need drinking.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
