screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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