I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
