Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
