Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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