I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
