Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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