DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
