I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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