Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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