I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
