You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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