i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
