yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
