AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
